A Girl’s Simple Dream

Sometimes I don’t get myself. About why I even feel bad about kissing random guys, about why I feel sluttish for getting a bit more action in clubs, and about why I want to go into hibernation after one night of crazy fun.

Why should I be the one feeling guilty? There’s no crime committed, no one hurt, and everyone involved actually enjoyed themselves.

Some will call me a slut straight in my face should they hear about what I did. Some will say that’s nothing much. Some will be really interested to hear all the dirty details and snicker shyly as they’re revealed.

I don’t need anyone judging me. I have and know my own limits, which some assume that I lose them after some alcohol gets into my system. But my alcohol intake, is part of my limits. Just because I downing glass after glass or shot after shot dosen’t mean I’m gone. I could be more sober than all else at the table.

I love it when I’m sober as anything and people think I’m gone. They start to guard my drinks, ask if I’m alright, and just treat me like a baby. It’s rather funny actually. Of course I know they have my well intentions at heart, but it also shows how silly human beings in general can be.

We see someone acting wildly, the automatic thought is– that person is drunk. But hey, that could be the best act that person is putting on. And all of us are tricked.

As for my sluttish actions, I find there’s no need to apologise to anyone. Both parties had fun and that was it. I’m not attached so I don’t have a boyfriend to feel sorry towards. If that guy is attached and his girlfriend somehow gets news of his little adventure, that’s their problem. Hey! Don’t blame me for how I look in the club. It’s the guys who can’t keep it in their pants for one night.

Why must I dress conservatively just so that I won’t give guys the wrong idea? Hey again! Everyone wants to show off their best assets. Some have a Chanel bag to boast, I have my smile and wink.

“The body is meant to be seen, not all covered up” ~Quote of Marilyn Monroe

I’m not an angel, and I don’t want to pretend that I’m one. I do things which sometimes I wish I hadn’t. You can judge me, but you cannot pass a sentence on me.

I had an eventful night last Friday. Most of you who knows about this blog probably has already heard me tell the story to you on the phone.

For those who didn’t hear it from me yet, here’s the summary–

I got into a bit of guy trouble in a club, and got my ex-school mate to come help me out. Now, I’m feeling bad because I feel like I’ve made use of him.

I’m such a bitch. I expect people to help me out just because I need them to. I give nothing and yet I want everything in return. I don’t expect them to turn me down and show up the minute I drop them a call.

Maybe the other party feels nothing about this, but I feel bad. I really must stop doing this– getting people to do things for me, and giving nothing back.

My mind is in such a mess now and for some reason my heart is aching.

I’m being troubled by too many trivial matters and a few issues big enough to cause me sleepless hours. So much so that it’s hard for me to put it down into words.

Feelings of enviousness, regret, heartbreak, denial…

I’m stuck in a vicious cycle which I need to get out from.

I have this interest of taking photos on a railway track whenever I can. (I don’t mean jumping onto the Singapore MRT tracks every morning when i’m waiting for a train and there’s no attractive male creatures on the platform for me to ogle at.)

That is precisely why I jump onto a free track when I see one overseas and start snapping pictures. Cos I can’t do it here at the land I call home.

First time I did it was in Hokkaido.

2nd time was in Perth.

Another thing I like to do when taking photos– snap my own shadow.

In Hokkaido

In the lavender fields

In the commercial district in Tokyo

Somewhere in Furano

Across the Pacific Ocean, in San Francisco

I love shadows– They are neither happy nor sad, clever nor dumb, young nor old. They’re there to remind us that we still exist and light is shining on us always.

I’ve been away from this blog for so long, I know.

No, I didn’t any of the following–

1) Go find my inner calmness in the sacred land of Nepal or Bhutan or Shangri-La
2) Took a self-challenging trip to the Amazons to let those deadly insects feed on my sweet blood so that I get a fresh supply from my body
3) Took a month-long cruise across the Atlantic Ocean
4) Marry some disgustingly rich guy and adapt to the freakish lifestyle of the rich and not-necessarily famous

I did the following, however–

1) Quit from a job which is the main cause of me using a large quantity of vulgar language
2) Went to Australia for a short vacation on my birthday
3) Decided that I should be my own boss/ employee and start a small online business
4) Slapped myself out of a crush and jumped back in like say, 10 times at least??

Time for me to get blogging again. I’m sure you guys miss my poor grammar, limited vocabulary and the ……s.

I miss blogging.

I miss scolding irritating people on my blog.

I miss making fun on nasty arseholes virtually on my blog.

I’m back.

~~

I’ve quitted from my job and will be free from the evils of the corporate world in June. Some say I have an attitude problem. No, I don’t think so. Those people just have no balls to handle someone with my guts and unforgiving mouth.

Those jerks simply cannot deal with the fact that I’m smart, pretty, young, yet utterly vicious in my words. It’s their problem, not mine.

I shall try to put all these disgusting and brainless stuff behind me as I leave this company. I can’t be bothered about how well or lousy it grows. I just don’t care anymore. They can fight amongst themselves for all I care.

More happy stuff next time.
~~

Where shall I even begin? Well, it’s been 3 months since I long blogged, and so much things have happened- Some happy, some nasty, so not worth mentioning.

On the first day of 2009, I lost an instructor from my academy days. May he rest in peace.

In February, I took a vacation to down under, on my birthday.

In March, I decided to leave my current job and move on to a new start.

I’m start telling the stories slowly. Give me some time… I need to get back into the happy-blogging mood.

I’m catching up on my magazine-reading and trying hard not to just flip through the glossy pages.

I actually have a lot of free time at home after I get back from work but I just laze in front of the computer and doing nothing useful.

My brain is screaming that it wants more intelligent stuff, better-looking guys, a higher pay, and more overseas vacations.

I can do so much better. And I’m not thinking about my work.

I decided to be a nice person and buy a logcake on X’mas eve for my colleagues. A chocolate cake that costs twice as much as compared on normal days just because it’s called a logcake. Ouch.

A good hair day finally.

The charity plushtoy X’mas tree just outside my work office.

For all who’re still immersed in the joyous celebrations, Happy Holidays!

Random pictures taken on my cellphone when I’m too bored at work.

Happy Lunchtime

Christmas Tree at Suntec this year

Working unpaid overtime